Goodbye…

It’s time for me to say goodbye.

So I guess I should of written this a while ago, but to be honest I haven’t felt or known what to say here. I’m not giving up on blogging just on this blog. I have a passion for writing, drawing, graphic design and blogging. But when I can’t share my blog with my other friends that don’t know about this side it brings me down. I want people to be able to read my poetry both erotic and normal and enjoy it.

Also with my health is currently suffering, and whilst I’m waiting to find out all the information on my condition I’ve started writing a story, a childrens story. So I don’t feel like sharing that here, it’s just not right to share a childrens story where usually I write erotica. But I’ve noticed recently I rarely do. I mean yes I’m still a switch, I still have a very active and naughty mind! But for now I’m placing my erotic pen down.

But to be honest, I’m more likely to write normal blogs like the past ones, and so I’d rather put them somewhere else.  So if you wanna get to know me then hit me up with a comment, or a tweet (if i follow you that is i’m picky 😉 ) and i’ll gladly share some more of my talents with you but for now it’s a goodbye from me to my blog and to you the ones who have read silently, read aloud, who have laughed, groaned and smiled at what I’ve written.

Toodles, & maybe I’ll see you all in the future with the new blog xoxo

 

P.s when my new blog has been fully formed….i will let you all know here.. but for now it’s a smile and a wave fairwell

30 days of truth

Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.

I forgive the idiots I called friends and boyfriends back when I was at school, I forgive how when my so called best friends boyfriends ripped into me calling me hurley from lost and killing myself esteem. I’ve learnt to forgive them for it now, it’s made me stronger, I have a gorgeous new friend and more in D and i have my amazing uncle and molly to help me along. plus the few trusted friends and my family. so i forgive them for walking all over me and leaving me to pick myself up and grow “balls”

Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.

I forgive myself for hating myself I think it’s time i forget about the stupid things i’ve done and move on.  I know I’ve done a few, but i need to forgive myself and be proud of myself for keeping my virginity, and for being who i am and not being some crazed person and letting others ruin my life. I need to forgive myself also for wasting 10 years of my life trying to please others, it’s been a hard journey but i’m getting there. (23/10/10)

Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.

*22/10/1o* I love my eyes, my ability to make anyone smile and my boobs yes i’m proud of my boobs. mother nature blessed me with natural big boobs, sometimes they are a bit of a curse but i’m proud of them, I love my eyes too they are blue, but they are “expressive” i’m lucky to also make up for the lack of confidence with my personality. 

Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.

*21/10/10 – first day* Ah crap theres loads of things I hate about myself, but mainly that I can never take compliments I HATE it! I find if I’m told I’m smart, pretty, or anything I’m more likely to argue than if I’m called a fat cow. Some days it’s harder than others with the condition and trying to loose weight I’m changing myself but I look in the mirror and still see this fat freak staring back at me with pale skin, awful curly hair, short and goofy teeth.

It’s time to write again!

So here I am again howdy all *waves* It’s time for me to sit and blog again *breathes in and starts a tapping at the keys then gets frustrated and deletes it 10 times* Yup that’s right, I’ve been sitting here with this draft for 20 mins *sighs of relief* now it’s wrote I can finally begin, The poem is one of the poems  I wrote recently, I’m told I have a “talent” for poetry and for writing, but then again i’d argue that. (Worlds worst critic of myself = me!)

So I thought I’d tell you some of my talents and blog a poem!

1. I can make anyone smile, literly!
2. I have the knack to write, draw, and bake
3. photography = a big part of my life, self taught and by my lovely father.
4. Graphic designing – now this i taught myself *notes to self next post post a few pictures and a few drawings*

That’s enough with the talents people say I have, heres one of my poems.. this is midnight touch, the haunting tales of dreams/day dreams that drive us insane!

Enjoy

Kitty xoxo

 

 

————————————————————————————————————————————-

That midnight touch

That midnight touch,
turned on, bodies wild, lost in the need,
have mercy, it’s all a little too much,
anything for a release, we are determind to suceed

 

That midnight touch,
we burn, burning  for release,
eyes locked with want,
how easy it is to find that increase,
body so alluring, so ready to flaunt

 

That midnight touch,
touch me, taste me, tease me,
can’t you see?
im burning for realease

That midnight touch,
how dreams taunt us with want,
sexually charged with need, alter egos,
left on my brain, to haunt,
haunt me in my twisted bedclothes.

——————————————————————————————————————————————

 

Blah..Blah..Blah

So I’ve been sitting here at this blank new page now for about 3 weeks, Every time I think of something to write I sit here and end up going “Blah, Blah Blah what a load of old crap!”  Now Sir my love I know you’re reading this and you’ll tell me off for saying that, but I cant help it if what I write is a load of old horse crap! Lol.

You see, most people with the Just Kinky blogs, or any kind of blog for that matter, have something interesting to say. I really don’t. I can’t talk about my switch nature, my new sub life, my Master, my sex life or anything like that as well to be honest I have nothing to report.

I’m a virgin, I’ve only ever given head once, which didn’t go right, I’ve never had foreplay or sex or even let my switch nature fully out. I’ve kept it under lock and key. Until Him of course, I find with him everything even the “vallina” things in life are so much more interesting.  But I lack confidence, I’m trying of course to pick my life up and change it for the good, I realise that I’m better off than I was 10 years ago.

I find it more easier now too to express my feelings and not worry. I’ve always worn my heart on my sleeve, my emotions on my face but buried them deep. Now even writing this I feel I should wipe the whole thing, I have nothing interesting to say not really, that’s why I don’t very often write posts.

Yes I can write poetry, stories and post them here but I can’t seem to bring myself to post them all, I’ve wrote many times these last few months with him, and even started writing about my past online relationships. But I’m not going back into the past I’m staying in the present.

So christmas nears, I meet Molly and Signs.. but most of all I get hugs, kisses and I can truely know if D and I will “click”.

Now I’ll sign off on this rambling with a little advice from this wee young girl.. Don’t fight your fears or embrace your fears find away to combine them, they will only make you stronger..

Kitty xxx

Dealing in changes

Hi my fellow sweeties, kinksters, and new readers. ~

I feel this post is a bit over due, and it’s about time I sat down to write it, I do enjoy writing now, but I can’t seem to find the words. Right now my life is going through some drastic changes. Not only do I have a new found confidence and love for myself, my gorgeous master, friend and of course soon to be more. I have health problems to deal with, It’s nothing as serious as cancer, but it is a big change in my life . I have health problems.

It started febuary, 28th this year. I had a bad asthma attack, I couldn’t breathe, talk, eat, or do anything without feeling light headed  and needing my inhalers.. Now it’s normal for me with my asthma to need my inhalers when ill but now.. nearly 8 months on I’m still ill.

First doctors couldn’t find out what my problems were, they thought it was weight related so, after the hospital on june 29th, and the awful doctor I had to see, I decided, I’ll diet. So far I’ve lost 21lbs from my body, still got a bit to go to become “healthy” and to get them off my back. But long story short, it’s not a fatal weight issue.

Then last week after dealing with the flu, I found myself back with my normal GP only  to be told I need steriods for my chest again, 7 doses this year. that’s alot for me. As well as this  my medical notes now say that they have found the condition for my asthma. The dealings are hard for me to take in, the conditon I have means medication for the rest of my life, and normal tasks such as bending down to pick things up seriously hurt me and make me choke and cough, retch, be sick you name it I suffer it.

It’s called Brittle Asthma & After reading through it and discussing it with friends who are nurses, and my doctor we reckon I have type one. It’s hard to come to terms with it, in a way it’s a relief, no more judging me for being overweight, even though i’m changing my body weight and I am following weight watchers. It’s hard at times to keep the diet going, to have the confidence to stick to my diet to keep myself healthy due to not being able to do much exercise.  Why? because I end up having my heart broken by so called “friends” judging me because I have this health issue.

“I know they aren’t really friends, but it is hard to forget the past but I’m stronger than before, I’m doing this for me, I’m dealing with it the only way I know I can. Changing myself for the better and for ME”

So please excuse my distance, my need to be away from just-kinky. I’ll be around when I can. I’m still around on twitter, msn, facebook and skype if anyone wants to drop me a message. So now it’s time for me to sign this off. I’m going to spend some time with my lovely Dan before I sleep for the night.

xoxo Until next time.

A little update & Rant

Hello blog world…

Some of you know this.. but I think it’s time for an update and a little bit about me. Well where shall I start? Hmm at the beginning? at the end? or in the middle? How about I do it like this:

About Kitty – Emmie Jay ~ I’m english, born and raised here in the land of the queen, oh yes..I live in england.. nope.. not a london lass, I’m a birmingham beaut. 21 years on the planet earth, celebrating on the 14th day of the 7 month the day of which I came to this planet ;-).  A lot of people have asked me, when did I realise I was a switch.. well to be fair I didn’t know I was, I have a dominating personality and can domme both male and females. Yet I also LOVE being a submissive at times.

A little about my offline life and update. So I suffer from Asthma. Usually it’s controlled, but sadly right now it’s not controlled as it used to be. It’s effecting my life, so I have asthma issues aswell as flu fun times(!) But I’m set in my ways to change. I started the weight watchers diet the week of my birthday, 12th july,2010. I thought “I won’t stick to it.. another useless diet plan” but 4 months on, I’m still following it and I’m 19lbs lighter.

In other news.. another 2 months and I’ll see my Master, My lover, My friend. Yep he is due to come and stay in the local travel lodge and I get to spend new years eve with him. The lunch time with him, molly and signs, and then a great night with him in the room, watching movies, talking.. and him tickling me awake.  ~

/rant Another thing in other news Amy* (name changed for personal reasons) Stop fucking trying to ruin what I have with him. It’s my life, my rules, my mistakes to make. “oh you’re leading him on!” Really!? how mature of you to meant to be my best friend and treating me like that!? Anyway, Amy* is meant to be my best friend, I’ve known her 4/5 years. She was like me and met her ex online, like I met my dan online,  yet she’s accusing me of leading Dan on because of certain things we’ve done. hello!? everyone enjoys there “online kinky time” at one point in their lives :-S but what really got on my nerves is this. She’s known her current bf Jay* for 2 months, she met him at her sisters wedding, he is her brother in laws half brother. She said she was taking it slow with him,and accusses me of leading Dan on.

Then 2 days later. she lets slip. see below

Amy*: I think he’ll beg you cause you’ve lead him on
Me: How have I lead him on?
Amy*: well you did meet him through a porno site!
Me: Urm.. Amy* Just-Kinky isnt a porno site
Amy*: well anyway I still think he’ll beg you for it
Me: amy* I’m not about to sleep with him on first meeting!
Amy*: Good!

2 days later:

Amy* says: I’m thinking of dumping Jay* (name change)
Me: Why?
Amy: well icbf anymore, we had sex and idk i just dont feel like being with him anymore
me: huh!?
Amy: Idk what to do anymore
me: well don’t ask me it’s your life :S

She’s meant to be my best friend yet she’s judging me!? I’m sorry but dont judge me, I will seriously get angry if people keep sticking their noses into my business /rant

Realisations…

Now this post is a little bit different to my others, reason for my title? well today I realised how short life is, and how much I’ve grown up since the age of 8. Since the age of 8 I’ve lost my Nan, Grandpa (dads parents), Great nan (Moms nan) & my best friend Gez, so I guess in a way I should be used to death, but sadly I’m not.

Fridays are a grocery shopping days, and as usual my parents, brother and I head out in the car shopping to Tescos, the journey there was fine, but coming home, all I can say is thank god the breaks work and we were all wearing seat belts. A italian lorry driver decided, he’d swerve lane to lane, nearly hitting us head on in the car!

But today was alot more scarier, thank god my dad breaked and realised early enough and the guy in the car behind didnt hit us. What happend? well, we were coming back from our butchers, we come to the roundabout to take us up the little bypass near to home, then this morrisons fuel tanker goes straight accross on the crossing without even breaking.  Again, scaring the hell out of us.

I sometimes hate having realisations that lifes short, it scares me theres so many things I wish to do before I die, I don’t have a true bucket list, but I do have goals I want to complete.  We all have those realisations when life changes us, through the good and the bad times we realise how strong we can be.

I realised today, I’m strong, I’ve dealt with 12 years of bullying – emotionally and mentally scaring me, dealt with 4 deaths since the age of 8, that I dont care what people think of me as much as I used to. Also I want people to realise something about me, I’m not just a switch, a young woman, a daughter, a sister, a friend and more. I have beliefs, fantasies, feelings that others wouldn’t understand.

So don’t waste your life comparing yourself, I did that for 10 years of my life, I’m 21, I’ve wasted nearly half my life trying to please others so now it’s my time to shine.

Simple Pleasures

“Simple Things please Simple minds” This saying is so untrue. Well in my case anyway. I’ve known Dan, my Master, my love and my life for 2 months 14th september,2010. Yet everything we do now, we do together as much as we can.  How can you say he is the love of your life? A friend screamed at me just the other day, I think even online and by phone we know it’s more than just a simple attraction. How? because as much as it is about us meeting our sexual needs, and enjoying our cyber sessions, it’s other things too.  I could give many examples here, of the simple things we do together, that bring me pleasure.

I’ll take last night as an example, I came online after watching Merlin and greeted him in my usual way. Then for him to say “Back from dinner and watching Merlin”. This made me instantly smile, we’d been watching the same show together either on tv or through skype, we are just not together physically. I love our moments like this, Then those moments when Dan or I have had a bad day or just feeling down, we lean on each other and talk. We can laugh, smile, be sad and share with out worrying “what does he/she think of me!?”

Yes, Of course we truely know that offically we aren’t sure what these feelings are. But in my mind it’s more than that, and in my heart, body and soul.  Those simple moments we have together give me pleasure. Yet my mind is always full of questions, statements, worries. But all I have to base on is my past relationships that have always gone wrong. So I fight my head and my hearts feelings. So I put my heart out there and let love into my hands for him to take.  No more hiding, no more worrying, just me and him working together to grow and support more and more.

Simple pleasures can complete us, let them into your heart, and never let them part. As true love is hard to come by.

Undisclosed Desires

After reading molly’s blog  Rumour Room

That is for another time. I have an every expressive face, I show all my feelings in my face be it happy, sad, aroused or just plain scared it shows. I can’t hide it even if I try to and Dan, my Master and my love can read me like a book even simply typing or just silence he knows there’s something wrong. But I can’t always open up to him, I’m the type who likes to hide away and keep it  bottled up and hide what’s effecting me so I dont bring others down.

I’m very unselfish at times and think of others before myself, wrong I know! That’s how I learnt I was a switch I could mould my personality and my ways to suit others but not so much myself, I’m more of a submissive with Sir than a switch yes I have my days when I fight him, and give him orders but that generally makes us who we are together.

That’s what lead to this post. My best friend and I talk about everything, She knows about my switch nature, plus the fact He is everything I want in a guy. But she can’t accept that after only 2 months (september 14th), and the way we met, Dan & I have developed this intense relationship.

She considers Just-Kinky as a porn site, I told her to check it out and all she came back with is “EW!” Yet when she slept with a guy she’d known 2 weeks to get her own back at her boyfriend that was acceptable? I’m fed up of being judged on this matter that I’m a switch and that chosen Him, and that I have an open and honest relationship with him exclusively in Just Kinky. Yes I’m not the prettiest crayon in the box, I’m not perfectly slender and tonned, I’m not perfect in any shape or form as much as Master likes to say I am I’m not. But it doesn’t stop be from wanting and needing love and wanting him and vise versa!

Im 21, I’ve lived with pleasing others now it’s my turn to show people that I do have a different side to me for 10 years and i’m not going back. I’m not afraid to embrace it. So if you want to get to know me for me ALL of me then feel free. But don’t judge me because I’ve chose him it’s my life. He is the one I dream of my only exception to revealing the real me.

So embrace me and my love, my friends from just kinky who are more than just friends especially Dan, Michael and Molly.

Embrace life for who you are not what others around you think be yourself…

“don’t judge a book by it’s cover you never know what they are truely about until you take time to study them closely on the inside”

Fantasies

We all have fantasies that play out in our mind day by day. Mine are sometimes innocent yet sometimes they are filled with need and want to please my Master. Yes, I’m a virgin but it doesn’t mean I can’t and don’t think of the fantasies that dance in my brain. Molly’s blog inspired me. Made me realise I have more fantasies in my head, ones that I need to write down more.

Those little fantasies we play out in our mind. From normal to down right raunchy we play them out scene by scene. I’m lucky I have a very active imagination still, and read a lot of erotica, sometimes when watching a film or reading a book the scene will play in my mind but it will change from time to time I’ll let myself choose my ending.

It’s hard sometimes to choose an ending, it’s hard to find the ending I need, the ending I really want, unable to complete the fantasy dream as I’ve woken up or just unable to create the scene correctly in my head without it going so wrong. So here I am sitting down. I’ve decided no more hiding. I’ll let my thoughts flow down into stories of what’s in my mind what I dream about with Him. My love, my Master.

One of my fantasies is teasing him when he is drunk, he gets randy when he is drunk, and it’s so sexy that i just wanna wind him up.  I have discussed this with him, but it’s slightly changed since I last mentioned it to Sir. So I thought I’d write this down.. read about it here